


Something's wrong

by ll4nce



Series: glimpses of another reality [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Past Character Death, Team Dynamics, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 02:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18188516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ll4nce/pseuds/ll4nce
Summary: The blue paladin has snow-white hair and shockingly pale skin and Keith thinks it looks wrong.Or: five times Keith feels like it's the wrong blue paladin and one time he knows.





	Something's wrong

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this. I just needed a break from Heaven or Hell, I think. Enjoy.

Keith opens his eyes.

Blue eyes stare back at him, a face way too close for comfort. “Oh, you're awake.” 

His lips are moving and his face moves away, turning to shout at someone else. Keith groans and tries to sit up, the other boy noticing this and snaking one of his arms around his back to support him, turning his face towards him once again. 

Keith's eyes fall on his armor, the blue on the white and black matching his eyes.

He knows that his own color is red, for some reason.

Keith's feet struggle to stand as he is lifted up, the other boy carrying them to somewhere. “We're nearly there, Keith,” he says, panting heavily. “Hang on, okay?”

Everything is blurry. The voice sounds like it is so far away.

The scenery changes.

The other boy removes his helmet and Keith eyes widen.

The boy smiles, his blue eyes shining.

But Keith expected tan, brown skin. Instead, the boy is pale, almost shockingly so.

Keith expected his hair to be dark brown like chocolate, but it's snow white, the ends of the strands falling into his face dyed in an ocean blue.

There are golden earrings attached to a simple and thin golden plate dangling on both of his earlobes. They also weren't what Keith expected.

He doesn't know why he expected the other to look different than that. 

He doesn't know why the other looks so wrong to him.

\---

“Good work, Alex.”

A salute. “Course, Shiro! Wish I could've helped Keith earlier, though.”

Shiro looks at Keith, slightly worried. “It's not your fault. Can you really not remember a thing, Keith?”

Keith shakes his head. Everything from a certain point is like wiped out. He remembers being expelled. He remembers living in the desert shack. He remembers finding Shiro. He remembers the Galra. He remembers being a Paladin. Sometimes, his memory gets fuzzy. He doesn't remember meeting Pidge, Hunk, and Alexander. He doesn't remember meeting the Princess or her advisor.

Only fleeting feelings and visions of someone tan with dark brown hair fill his head when he tries to remember. Shiro looks troubled when he mentions that to him.

“Try to reconnect with the others, alright? Your memory will return eventually.”

Keith nods because he doesn't know what to do. There's still something about Alexander that throws him off completely like he shouldn't belong. It sits in the back of his mind, nagging him, but he somehow doesn't want to bring it up to Shiro.

He decides to avoid Alexander and talk to the others first.

\---

He goes to talk to Pidge first. He doesn't know how he knew where she would be or why her first, but he just does and he finds her in the hangar of the green lion, typing away at her laptop.

To his dismay, she is not alone however, the person he is so desperately trying to avoid is standing right there, in all of his glory.

“You've been working nearly two days without any rest. You should go to sleep and continue this after,” Alexander says, his hand hovering above her small frame awkwardly as if he couldn't decide whether he should lay it on her shoulder or not.

“Don't tell me what to do,” is the grumbled answer he got, the typing seemingly getting even faster.

“C'mon Pidge, everyone is worried! And I think-”

“I don't care about what you think,” she harshly interrupts and leaves it at that, continuing to type away.

Alexander still hovers behind her, mouth pressed closed forcefully, eyebrows raised in a sorrowful expression. “A-alright,” he got out shakily, the fakest smile one could muster on his face. “I'll see you later.”

And with fast steps he strides out of the room, hand flying to his face and smile disappearing, not even noticing Keith standing at the entrance.

“Weren't you a bit too harsh with him?”

Keith walks into the room himself, watching Pidge as she lifts her head to acknowledge him. 

She huffs and goes back to work. “He's the one who thinks everything is his business.”

Keith sighs and sits down on the floor next to her, watching the letters on her laptop move impossibly fast, just like her fingers flying over the keyboard.

“He's just worried. He doesn't mean any harm, he wants to help you. He's got a lot of siblings back in Cuba, right? Maybe you remind him of one of them-”

A snort escapes the girl next to him. “Cuba? What makes you think he comes from Cuba? He's from Germany as far as I know. And his relationship with his siblings is pretty bad, apparently, they don't even have contact.”

Keith looks at her, confused. He doesn't know why he thought about his siblings or Cuba. He really doesn't.

“Also, that's rich, coming from you. He's only worried, alright. He's only trying to help.” A bitter laugh.

And Keith really doesn't get what she means because, hey, he doesn't remember a thing. So he just frowns at her until it clicks in her head and she laughs again, more genuine this time.

“You always snapped at him whenever you could. And you made it very clear that you hate him.”

Keith tilts his head. “I wish I could remember the reason. I don't hate him right now, I just feel weird around him.”

And for a second, Pidge looks so sad, her gaze turning far away, wistful. “I don't want to be the one to tell you, Keith. I'm sorry.”

It's the time in her voice makes Keith understand and he nods. “I know. I get it. I think.”

Pidge sighs in relief and starts typing again.

“Have you really been working for two days without a break?” Keith asks, again following the fast code with his eyes.

Pidge gives him a glance before focusing again.

“Maybe,” she then replies. And suddenly, she sounds so tired, exhausted, and he notices the bags under her eyes, how her hands shake.

“I think you should take a break,” Keith says softly and she glares at him, half-heartedly. “Come eat dinner with us. Please.”

She sighs and turns to work again. “I'll think about it,” she says and Keith takes it as his cue to leave, so he does.

\---

When he enters the dining room, most of the team already sit, chatting easily. He doesn't know why, but he wants to sit at a certain spot, so he does, the chair next to him glaringly empty. It makes him feel a pain in his chest for a reason.

Alexander enters and the chatter stops, everyone looking up to him. The newcomer looks uncomfortable, and walks to the table with a wave and a smile, avoiding the empty seat next to Keith in a wide arc, choosing a seat farther away from the others. 

Shiro and Allura try to rekindle the conversation but struggle to as they just couldn't find any topics and Keith and Alexander weren't trying to respond at all unless directly addressed.

Once again, their conversation drops when the door opens again and reveals Pidge, walking into the room and plopping down on her seat, laying her head into her hands as they waited for Hunk to finish whatever he was doing with Coran in the Kitchen. All of the people in the room but Keith stare at her like she's a cryptid. She doesn't even notice really, staring at the table.

“So…” Shiro starts again and this time, conversation flows easier as Pidge makes the snarky comment here and there and Alexander is a lot more enthusiastic to join in.

It's only a short while before Coran and Hunk finally enter the room with tablets of food in their hands, distributing them to all of the team members, a plate of green goo landing at the empty seat next to him. He stares at it until Hunk notices too and takes it away with an apologetic glance, putting it in front of Alexander instead.

The blue paladin's eyes light up as he sees the dish. “Green goo? Hunk, my man,” Hunk looks almost sad at his words. “How did you know this is like my favorite food?”

“I thought your favorite food are garlic knots?” Keith blurts out before Hunk can answer the question and suddenly, the dining room is deadly silent.

Alexander throws a few glances around and then looks at Keith, head tilted. “Garlic knots, you say? I mean, I don't dislike them… but it's definitely not my favorite food.”

The silence stays tense after his answer however, especially Hunk looked like he is about to cry as he stared at his prepared food, not eating a bite even though it looks so delicious.

One could see he is really distraught - even Allura and Shiro avoid striking a new topic.

Keith had planned to talk to Hunk after dinner, but maybe he can do that later.

\---

He decides to talk to Allura next. The princess is in the control room looking at maps in front of her, sometimes tapping some points on it, sometimes flicking them away with a sigh. She looks tired.

“Hey Allura,” he says and the woman turns towards him. 

“Keith. How can I help you?”

Keith shrugs. “Shiro said I should talk to you guys to help me remember everything.”

And Allura nods and they sit down at the steps in the control room, silent for a second.

“What do you want to talk about?” She asks when neither of them made a noise, just sitting by each other in silence.

“I dunno,” Keith answers honestly, fiddling with his fingers. “You're an alien, right? Tell me about your Homeplanet?”

Her eyes turn sad for a second but she smiles nonetheless as she tells him about Altea and its beauty. Keith listens intently, even when it comes to the planet's demise. He feels a little bad for asking about her planet now.

She finishes her story with misty eyes, but she does not cry. Again, silence fills the air as Keith thinks about how angry the loss of Shiro had made him back then and how glad he was once he found him again. And he thinks he can understand at least a small part of her pain.

“Hey Allura, still as beautiful as ever- woah, am I interrupting something?”

Alexander enters the control room, immediately taking a few steps back when he sees the scene in front of him.

The vulnerable look in Allura's face immediately vanishes and her expression hardens. She turns to the newcomer with a glare. “You were, in fact, interrupting something. What is it?”

“Uh, nothing, I just wanted to talk to you-”

“And with that, you mean flirting with me,” Allura says dismissively. Alexander seems to shrink under her harsh glare.

“I think you need to leave.” And he does, slumped and clearly upset.

Keith looks after him. 

“He's such an insufferable flirt,” Allura sighs. “And he just doesn't take no for an answer. I told him many times I wouldn't be interested in someone like him, but he just doesn't stop flirting. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I wish he'd just stop.”

Keith continues to stare at the door. For some reason, he feels like the wrong person is flirting with Allura.

\---

After saying goodbye to Allura, Keith moves to the healing pods, the princess's advisor sitting on the steps to them.

“Hello, Coran,” Keith says and the older man looks up. He looks a bit tired but puts on a smile for him anyway.

“Keith, my boy! How can I help you?”

“I dunno. Let's just talk. Shiro thinks my memories will returns faster if I talk to everyone.”

“Well,” Coran scratches his chin in thought. “I could tell you about that one time I fought a giant Hrid’thraa with only a toothpick! Or that one time I was undercover investigating the space pirates!”

Keith smiles and nods. He listens to Coran's stories as he told them animatedly, hands moving in big gestures and voice booming.

After the fifth story finishes Keith yawns and Coran looks at him understandingly.

“Maybe you should go to sleep,” he suggests. “You lost your memory on top of today's very hard mission, so I understand if you're exhausted.”

“You look exhausted as well,” Keith notes and Coran sighs, staring at his hands.

“I think we all are,” he mused and starts to rise, Keith does as well.

“Was it always like this?” Keith suddenly asks, Coran looking at him, surprised. “Was the atmosphere here always this heavy? Is everyone always so tired and exhausted?”

For a second, Coran looks like he's in pain. And then it's gone, just like that and he sighs.

“No,” he finally says, staring at the healing pods. “It wasn't always like this. There once was someone who always lifted everyone spirits. Who made sure everyone was well rested and had at least one laugh a day.”

That person is not Alexander. Alexander feels like an outsider, like he doesn't belong-

“What happened,” Keith whispers.

“We lost him,” Coran answers solemnly.

\---

Keith returns to Shiro in the lounge with heavy eyes and an even heavier stomach. Coran's words won't leave his mind. He wants to ask Shiro about it, as Coran refused to say anymore.

But again, the person he tried to avoid all day (and he failed spectacularly, considering he saw Alexander all the time) is there with Shiro, going over something.

“-should take it easy, Keith needs his memory to pilot!” Alexander argues. Shiro only sighs.

“What do you suggest we do?” He asks.

“Look, if we want to free the planet, we need Voltron. I think we should free the moon first - it's small so we only need the Lions and not Voltron and Keith can rest. Then, when we got the moon we can use this position to plan further!”

“I'm not so sure on that,” Shiro says, clearly doubtful. Alexander looks dejected. 

It feels like the wrong person is trying to plot with Shiro. It feels so, so wrong.

“Maybe you should leave the planning to me and Allura,” the older man muses and that seems to be the final straw for Alexander as he dashes off, bumping into Keith on his way out.

His eyes burn with anger and it seems like his mouth opened for a hurtful comment - but all he says is “Mullet.” and he leaves.

_Mullet._ The nickname feels so familiar. Why does it sound so wrong out of his mouth though?

Shiro sighs as he sits down, head in his hands. “Keith,” he says. “Any progress with your memories?”

He shakes his head and Shiro sighs once again. “I just don't know what to do with him,” he answers the unspoken question. “His plans aren't bad, but I don't… trust him enough to go through with any of them.”

“Why not?” Keith asks, sitting down next to Shiro.

“I can't explain it. He just wasn't there when everything started, I guess.”

Keith looks at Shiro - his eyes are directed at the ground, frowning. His lips are pursed.

“Is this about the one we lost?” Keith asks and Shiro looks at him, eyes misty.

“Who told you about it?”

“Coran did.”

Another sigh. Keith doesn't think he's ever heard Shiro sigh this much in such a short amount of time.

“You want to hear it, don't you?”

Keith nods.

\---

His name was Lance. He was a Garrison cadet and in a crew with Hunk and Pidge. One night, they sneaked out and saw something crash. They saved Shiro with him. They found the Blue Lion. Lance piloted it through a wormhole and they found the castle of lions, along with the princess and her advisor.

Lance was the Blue Paladin before Alexander came along.

In a battle versus the Galra Emperor, they had to flee. Something made the wormhole unstable and they were separated. Slowly, they found together once again - but without Lance. When they finally found him, it was too late. He was already gone.

Devastated, they traveled back to earth to give his family his body back (Keith still remembers his mother screaming in agony, his siblings crying, his father shouting).

And once they got ready to depart, the Blue Lion chose her new pilot, rejecting the princess. It was a human boy, a Garrison dropout just like Keith was named Alexander Astarot Hollow. He was ready to go with them to defend the universe.

But he just couldn't replace Lance.

Not for Pidge, who Lance was like a second brother to.

Not for Hunk, who Lance was a best friend to.

Not for Coran, who Lance was like a son to.

Not for Allura, who Lance was someone to turn to when she felt especially bad about Altea.

Not for Shiro, who Lance was a reliable assistant strategian to.

Not for Keith, especially not for Keith.

All the memories flash in front of Keith's eyes. All he needed to hear was his name.

His smile, his laugh, his jokes, his eyes, his voice, Keith remembers everything.

Their bonding moment, how ironic that he forgot it.

His feelings for him which started to grow stronger and stronger from this moment on.

Their shared kiss before the last battle, promises to come back.

The incredible sorrow that hit him once he realized that he couldn't ever see the smile again, hear the laugh again, hear the voice again. When he realized the eyes would never open again.

Moping in his room, grieving for his love and what could've been.

Going to earth and crying, crying, crying.

Meeting Alexander and just feeling the hatred and resentment that he was supposed to be Lance's replacement, because he simply can't be replaced. No one could replace him. He refused to accept the other as the new paladin, putting him down whenever he could, snapping at him for sitting down at Lance's old place on the table, for wanting to move in Lance's old room, for using Lance's Bayard.

He hates Alexander because he took Lance's place.

And he hates Alexander because he and Lance are so, so similar, _it hurts._

\---

Keith is laying in his bed, not able to sleep with all of his thoughts whirling around Lance, staring at the ceiling.

A weird sound from the room next to his rips him out of his thoughts. It sounds like… sobbing?

Sighing, Keith swings his legs from the bed and stands up, making his way to the door. The hallway is dark and empty this deep into their castle's night, everyone presumably sleeping. Everyone but the one making the sounds from the room next to his. Lance's old room. Keith moves in front of the door and takes a deep breath. Then he enters.

He finds Alexander on the floor, knees hugged close to his chest, head lying in his knees. He doesn't seem to notice Keith entering, softly sobbing and murmuring to himself.

“Ich schaff's nicht, ich schaff's nicht,” he whispers. “Ich kann kein Paladin von Voltron sein, ich gehöre einfach nicht hierher. Keiner akzeptiert mich. Verständlich. Ich bin ja schließlich nur ich.” A sob. “Seine Fußstapfen sind zu groß, ich kann sie nicht füllen! Ich werde niemals gut genug sein. Der Blaue Löwe hat einen Fehler gemacht als er mich ausgewählt hat.”

Now, Keith has no idea what Alexander has just said. He presumes it was German, as according to Pidge, it was his Homeland.

But he knows when someone is upset. He knows when someone needs comforting.

He remembers Lance being homesick and Keith having to comfort him with cuddles and snacks (as much as green food good could become a snack). He's no good at comforting with words, but they managed anyway, Lance calming down and smiling at him, whispering his thanks.

So Keith sits down next to Alexander and opens his arms for a hug. He looks surprised for a second but then takes the hug, sobbing into Keith's shirt.

And while he pats the other's back he muses how wrong it feels and how he wishes that it was Lance in his arms instead.

**Author's Note:**

> /I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't be a paladin of Voltron, I just don't belong here. No one accepts me. Of course, I'm just me after all. His footprints are too big I can't fill them. I will never be good enough. The Blue Lion made a mistake when he chose me./
> 
> Alexander and siblings [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/BtsvMdcnMyn/). He's the one on the upper left. Note that one of the pictures is his old design, the second drawing shows his current design I was referring to in this fic.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
